Choices That We Make

April 15, 2013

We all like to think that we are in control of the decisions and choices that we make throughout our lives. How many times have you regretted your decisions or thought if I could do that all over again I would do it differently. Being aware of what influences your choices can help you make more informed decisions.

Making choices is not always easy because sometimes in order to make a choice you have to let go of something else, something that is familiar and familiarity gives the feeling of safety. Even if the situation, person or thing that you need to let go is not good for you or does not serve you well you still hold onto it because on some level it feels better than the unfamiliar and the unknown.Stepping into the unknown or the thought of it can bring up fear and vulnerability which in turn creates anxiety. When you feel anxious you will be faced with many reasons for not doing what you truly want to do. At the same time as this is going on ones ego (which is the centre of consciousness) needs to be strong in order to withstand this internal tension. If it is not, then you will possibly make a choice which on some level  feels safe. If this happens over a period of time you can end up leading a very safe and unfulfilled life and repeating the same patterns of behaviour that do not work. This in turn does not allow one to grow as a person. 

This pattern of behaviour can start in early childhood where the child, in order to feel accepted by parents, authority figures and/or peers, learns to deny or split off this part of themselves.

You may be asking  what happens to the emotions and feelings attached to what you originally wanted to do but felt unable to. Well they have to go somewhere and if you continue to make choices that restrict your personal growth these feelings and emotions do not go away, they become repressed. Feelings that are repressed go into the shadow part of us but instead of staying locked away for ever they tend to spill out, often in moments of unawareness. Examples of this happening are road rage, anger, self criticism, bullying, scapegoating
 etc..  For some people, as this anxiety builds up (this can happen over a number of years) depression can set in. Some may tell you that there has been no major traumas or incidents that would cause them to feel depressed, they just feel down and there is no reason why they should feel like this. As a person gets to know themselves through therapy they often get to know how difficult they find it to have a voice.They learn about themselves and start seeing themselves in a different light. By  strengthening their ego they are able to make choices that feel right for them or if they fall back into the old familiar they are aware of it






 

How to Manage your Stress

November 20, 2012
Read Stress Cause and Effects

We are constantly bombarded with tips and advice on how to manage stress in order to live a stress free life. They range from exercise, diet, yoga, meditation to sleep and the list is endless. Whilst these may help to alleviate the symptoms they do not get to the root cause of stress.Understanding the cause of your stress is vital if you want to be able to manage it effectively.When you understand the cause you can then take action to either avoid, reduce or chang...

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Stress-Cause and Effects

October 23, 2012
In today's busy world stress is a familiar word on everyone's lips.It is not uncommon to hear 'I am stressed out' or 'I have been under a lot of stress recently'. Whilst we use the word frequently do we really understand the impact and meaning of the word stress. Perception, understanding and experience of stress can vary and differ from one person to the next and as a result it is difficult to define stress. Something that everyone who feels stressed has in common is the feeling of not being...

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The Inner Critic- Part 2 . A Major Component of Depression and Anxiety

August 16, 2012

READ THE INNER CRITIC - PART 1
 
How to deal with your Inner Critic 

You may read or hear that you need to fight against your inner critic in order to gain control of it, but you don’t. In fact it is the last thing that you need to do because fighting against it will only make it stronger Initially it will work and silence the inner critic but as the inner critic is powerful in the dark (not in one’s conscious awareness), it will either spill out unknown to you or it will come back much stro...

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The Inner Critic-A Major Component of Depression and Anxiety

August 14, 2012
The Inner Critic –A Major Component of Depression and Anxiety

The Inner Critic is a major component in depression, eating disorders, anxiety, self-harm, low confidence, low self-esteem etc. and yet it is not really talked about to any great extent.  Everyone has an inner critic. For some it is extremely harsh, judgemental and critical and it is so ingrained that it feels like second nature. It can be a real obstacle in feeling good about oneself and one’s achievements or in achieving one...
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Bullying in the Workplace

April 30, 2012
Bullying in the Workplace

We often hear about bullying in the schoolyard and as a result can associate bullying as being a problem for children. However bullying in the workplace is also very common and is perhaps not recognised or reported to the extent that it should be. Bullying crosses all divides. Bullying can be hierarchical, peer or upwards. In the U.K. the national Workplace Bullying Advice Line and Bully on Line reported that 75% of bullying cases involved individuals being bullied by...
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Work Stress and the Recession

March 27, 2012
   Work Stress and the Recession

Stress in the work place is not a new phenomenon. There has always been stress arising from, for example, meeting deadlines, people conflict and demanding bosses but since the recession, surveys carried out in Ireland and research from the U.K. and U.S.A. show that there has been a significant rise in stress in the workplace. The main factor contributing to this stress is fear. Fear for one’s job which in turn causes feelings of insecurity and vulnerability w...

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Valentine's Day: Does it Stress You Out?

February 7, 2012
Valentine’s Day: Does It Stress You Out ?

Since the middle ages Valentine’s Day has been associated with love and romance, a day of expressing your love to the loved one in your life. As time has gone on it has become more and more commercialised with the emphasis on cards, flowers, gifts, eating out or the perfect food to create the perfect meal at home. The unspoken message that is being communicated is that if the above criteria are fulfilled it will be a perfect day because there is pr...

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Redundancy and it's Emotional Impact

January 29, 2012

Redundancy and it's Emotional Impact

In today’s economic climate redundancy is an all too familiar word that we constantly read or hear about. Daily we hear of job losses, downsizing or closures and more often than not we know someone who has been directly affected. 


Redundancy is one of the most stressful events that a person can experience in their life. It’s there next to death, divorce, moving house, illness etc. One survey of British workers even rated redundancy as a more stressful li...


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The Simplicity ofChristmas

December 13, 2011
It’s that time of year again, it’s Christmas. It brings up a mixed range of emotions from ‘can’t wait for it’ to dread, pressure,stress, to ‘wishing it was over’. There is so much commercialism and consumerism that it is very easy to get caught up in the pressure and panic to have that perfect Christmas. 

There is the underlying message that Christmas is the perfect time of year, it is about the perfect family, the perfect gift, the perfect meal, the perfect holiday, etc. It  is ...

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To talk with Anne-Marie on any of the issues raised in the blog call 01 2147613


Over 14 years of experience working with clients in a professional counselling and psychotherapy setting. I have worked on a wide range of issues with individuals, male and female, of all ages coming from many different cultures and backgrounds. My approach is very down to earth and integrative which means that I draw on different models of therapy and use whichever one or combination is best suited to the individual. To speak to Anne-Marie confidentially call 01-2147613 or email amhcounselling@hushmail.com