Valentine's Day: Does it Stress You Out?

February 7, 2012
Valentine’s Day: Does It Stress You Out ?

Since the middle ages Valentine’s Day has been associated with love and romance, a day of expressing your love to the loved one in your life. As time has gone on it has become more and more commercialised with the emphasis on cards, flowers, gifts, eating out or the perfect food to create the perfect meal at home. The unspoken message that is being communicated is that if the above criteria are fulfilled it will be a perfect day because there is proof of love. As a result it puts a lot of couples under pressure. The message being conveyed is that this is how a relationship is defined.

In order to celebrate Valentine’s Day successfully we are told that we need to have some or all of the following:
A Valentine Card - that has the perfect verse for your loved one.
Flowers - especially roses are supposedly the ultimate expression of love.
Gifts - there is such an array of gifts manufactured especially for Valentine’s Day, or it is the perfect day to get engaged!
Dining out - usually there are several sittings on the night so you have a specified length of time to eat. Restaurants are usually overcrowded and full of couples celebrating Valentine’s Day. 

Here is what you can do:

Why not discuss what you both want for Valentine’s Day, how you would both like to celebrate it and then compromise if need be. Whilst some would argue that this takes the romance out of the day, it also takes the pressure off. It can be a day to look forward to and know what to plan for. It can reduce the stress and unrealistic expectations and the disappointment that often ensues. You may come up with something alternative but something that you both want to do and want to do together. It might also be an idea to decide and discuss if you want a lavish affair or something more simple that is, perhaps, within both of your budgets.

If you are going to exchange cards do they have to be ‘bought’ cards. If a card is made with love it can have more meaning as time and care went into its creation. It is also original. Then again, it doesn’t even have to be a card; it could be a poem that romantically expresses how you feel about your partner or even a good old fashioned love letter.
Do you have to buy flowers or a gift?  Again it is not about how much is spent that determines whether or not Valentine’s Day is a success. It’s about the thought and effort that goes into the gift or flowers. A gift can be a token gift; it can be doing something for your partner that they hate doing; it can be combining budgets and doing something that you both enjoy doing together. If you have children it can be something as simple as giving each other time on your own without any interruptions from phone calls etc.
Do you want to go out for a meal? It is ok not to want to go out on the night. If you decide to eat in, it has to be because you both want to and whoever is doing the cooking is not under pressure to cook, or that the meal has to be the perfect meal. It can be an ordinary everyday affair prepared with love and time to sit, relax, talk and enjoy the food and each other’s company.

If none of the above happens it does not mean that it defines your relationship. Remember your relationship is more than one day, 14th February. It goes on 365 days a year.  If your partner does not like or believe in Valentine’s Day, take an overview and see that there is much more to your relationship than one day. Your partner may have outstanding qualities that are invaluable to you.

For those not in a relationship Valentine’s Day can still be celebrated. It can be about sharing it with a friend, family, or someone whom you care about.  Showing them how much you care and how much they mean to you. It can be about stepping outside the box and you may be surprised with what you come up with.  In Finland and Estonia Valentine's Day is known as "Friend's Day". This day is more about remembering all your friends as well as your loved ones, a fine sentiment indeed.

Posted by Anne-Marie Hearne. Posted In : Valentine's Day 

 

Redundancy and it's Emotional Impact

January 29, 2012

Redundancy and it's Emotional Impact

In today’s economic climate redundancy is an all too familiar word that we constantly read or hear about. Daily we hear of job losses, downsizing or closures and more often than not we know someone who has been directly affected. 


Redundancy is one of the most stressful events that a person can experience in their life. It’s there next to death, divorce, moving house, illness etc. One survey of British workers even rated redundancy as a more stressful li...
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Posted by Anne-Marie Hearne. Posted In : Redundancy 

 

Christmas

December 13, 2011
It’s that time of year again, it’s Christmas. It brings up a mixed range of emotions from ‘can’t wait for it’ to ‘wishing it was over’. There is so much commercialism and consumerism that it is very easy to get caught up in the pressure and panic to have that perfect Christmas.

There is the underlying message that Christmas is a perfect time, it is about the perfect family, the perfect gift, the perfect meal etc. It  can often be difficult not to buy into some or all of this. If...
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Posted by Anne-Marie Hearne. Posted In : Christmas 

 

Anger

December 4, 2011

Anger is a normal emotion. It is a very powerful emotion and when used constructively can have a very positive impact. It is a primary emotion and its purpose is to protect us against perceived threat in that something or somebody who can harm us or take something   away from us. It can be seen as a barometer that tells us something does not feel right for us such as an injustice, an abuse of power, manipulation etc. and that we need to do something about it.  Anger can range from feelings of...


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Posted by Anne-Marie Hearne. Posted In : Emotions 

 

Women as Breadwinners

November 2, 2011

The role of women in the workplace is rapidly changing as more and more women are becoming the main or sole breadwinner in families. Figures recently released in Ireland show that 33% of working women in Ireland are the main breadwinners (2011 Pfizer Health Index). In the U.S. women, for the first time, now make up half of the working population and according to the US Bureau of Labor statistics (2009) one third of women are main or sole breadwinners and this was expected to rise with the fal...


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Posted by Anne-Marie Hearne. Posted In : Communication 

 

Coping with your emotions & anxieties when starting college

September 8, 2011

Starting College can bring up a range of emotions from excitement and feeling happy with this new phase of your life to fear, trepidation, worry and anxiety. Then again you may be so caught up with the excitement of starting college that it’s only after you start that the emotions may surface.

Some of the issues that may cause anxiety and worry when you start college are living away from home for the first time. Without being fully aware of it you are now responsible for yourself, responsi...


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Posted by Anne-Marie Hearne. Posted In : New Experiences 

 

About Me


Over 14 years of experience working with clients in a professional counselling and psychotherapy setting. I have worked on a wide range of issues with individuals, male and female, of all ages coming from many different cultures and backgrounds.My approach is very down to earth and integrative which means that I draw on different models of therapy and use whichever one or combination is best suited to the individual. To speak to Anne-Marie confidentially call 01-2147613 or email amhcounselling@hushmail.com